Happiness

This is just a brief post to tell you about something that made me exceptionally happy; two weeks ago I went back to the nursery to visit my former work mates and have a nice catchup on each others lives, and it was lovely! Nathan actually ran into the room, arms open, shouting 'YAY' and nearly strangled me with a hug (yes, I'm talking about a grown boy here, not one of the children) - which I have to admit; made me smile lots.  

After a good old catch up - and promises of nights out - I went into the nursery to say hello to some of the children who I used to work with and couldn't believe the amount of cuddles I got off the those that remembered me. One little girl flung her arms round my neck with the biggest smile on her face, a little boy wouldn't leave me alone and instead chose to lie on me (and then stand infront of me so others couldn't have me: awwwh!). Another little girl was pretending to be shy; standing next to me until I turned around and offered her a cuddle and then running away... after a while she decided she wanted to play and I was in the kitchen being served dinner; 'Juice and water for you!' 

I stayed a played some games with them for a while before I had to force myself to say goodbye, give them all another great big cuddle, and leave. Before I left I got to see one little boy that I hold very dear to my heart and received two lovely cuddles. I was absolutely overjoyed that he remembered me! I felt my heart swell in my chest, and I may have cried a little after I left. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that working at the nursery was the best job I've ever had; I adored working with the children and I made some great friends.

It is things and moments like these that make me realise that I've let my goals and dreams slip out of my main line of focus. I keep telling myself that I don't know what I want to do with my life, because I am confused; just say I take the wrong path and end up hating whatever I do a few years down the line and have to start all over again from scratch? Or just say that I try and I never succeed? But then a voice inside me says that none of that matters as long as you're doing something along one of the paths and it makes you happy. 

Time to get things in some kind of order.

Movember

As we greet December; our heads buried in scarves, our eyes barely visable under our hats, with a brisk nod we also bid farewell (I picture this as an equally quick wave) to November.

November has always been a take it or leave it kind of month for me (and I'm sure many others feel the same), nothing much happens in November to make it all that exciting! The leaves have already fallen off the trees, and there is no snow to make being numb from head to toe worth any outdoor adventures - I say 'adventures', what I actually mean is: work. Honestly? November is a rather bleak month. When I was a child I remember how excited I used to get for Guy Fawkes Day - more commonly known as - Bonfire Night; fireworks are lovely, but good god they get annoying; especially when the scummiest children throw them at you on your walk home from university one day, but I digress... Sparklers are, and will always be, the best things ever! However, there are a shocking amount of people who don't seem to remember that Bonfire Night (and Halloween!!) even exists anymore, so all-in-all November slowly became another tedious month of inevitable boredom.

UNTIL! MOvember was born! An all round hilarious way of raising vital funds for men's health, more specifically; prostate and testicular cancer. The main objective of Movember is to get ,more people discussing the issues of men's health, that normally go ignored; by growing, or shaving in, a moustache specifically for the month.

I love it. Absolutely love it. As a huge fan of moustaches I derive great joy in seeing the vast majority of my friends, and random men in the city - basically anyone -  sporting those fanTASHtic (I'm sorry, I had to) clumps of hair along their upper lip (in fact; not too long ago I was playing Moustache Snap in a pub with my pals, tears streaming down my face I was laughing that much). I've had many conversation with sheepish guys with patchy moustaches at the till point at work by merely asking; 'Movember?' Que enormous amounts of relief and laughter. 

Admittedly I've yet to meet another girl who enjoys Movember - and just moustaches in general - as much as I do, most cringe at the sight of their partners as they slowly start looking creepier as the month progresses (another part of Movember that I never tire of). For me it just means that I can talk about moustaches (of all shapes and sizes) and it be deemed a little less weird because it's all for a good cause. 

Nothing makes me sadder than when December the first rolls around and everyone taking part instantly shaves! So, goodbye for another year Movember! You will be dearly missed.

(Possibly my favourite moustache related photo ever.)

Leeds Festival

I am way too late in writing this; I could slap myself (I won't) but it's better late than never as the old saying goes. So two months ago (yikes, I am a procrastinating pup!) I went to the almighty Leeds Festival for my ninth year in a row! Ever since I was 15, standing, for my first time, in the middle of Bramham Park surrounded by thousands of other extremely lairy music lovers I decided that I wanted to go to Leeds Fest every year. Forever! - No. Just for 10 consecutive years. Seeing as I was so close to completing my objective I was mortified when I had to face facts that I was just too dirt broke to afford the festival this year... (Not to mention that there was only one stage I wanted to go for... worth it? I was unsure.) So instead I decided I'd volunteer to work there; I applied with Oxfam and a few months later attended training, met a lovely (though if you're reading this; you're a muppet really, hehe) guy and was a fully trained steward! YAY!!!

Wednesday 
After arriving; getting my ID card, tabbard (I looked incredible in my hi-vis), and my shifts (I got the day off that I had been praying for: hooray!) I went and bought some beer, returned and went to our briefing in the marquee (can in hand. Classy bird). Anyway, after all the briefings had finished there was a fancy dress 'animal themed' Meet & Greet, (I was a cat!) but a gang of us had already been drinking for hours and I was already fairly intoxicated before we even got to the party. TOO many funny things happened; mainly me being unable to use a chair/stool, falling off it a lot, and lying on the floor laughing my head off! Upon arriving at the party I was overjoyed to bump into a very familiar face indeed; only a boy (Matt!) I met FIVE years ago at the very same festival!! The rest of the night is a blur; apparently it was spent with Matt trying to recreate a myspace photo from Leeds 2007 and laughing too much! I don't remember meeting any one else. Damn you Matt!

Me and Matt! Reunited after five years! Mental! Thursday
Awoke the next day ready for my first shift feeling... horrible! I wandered over to the main gate ready to walk to Lord Bingley Gate and Ellie and Meike came and met me, said I'd organised a big meet up with people I'd met who were working the same shift so we could all walk together! Memory fail! They were awesome! Our shift consisted of scanning tickets, checking wristbands, drinking cans of Relentless we found on the floor, and hugging any festival arrivals who were excited for Me First & The Gimme Gimmes or Less Than Jake! After shift we got back on the drinking, played games around our campsite, before going to watch Little Comets, dancing like loons and meeting a 6ft7 17 year old. Ridiculous! Then James - the legend that he is - puts on his tabbard and shouts 'FOLLOW ME!' and absolutely sprints up the Silent Disco queue! Pretty sure we all nearly fell over as we ran excitedly around the barriers into the huge tent. It was INCREDIBLE! Too many photos later, a ridiculous amount of dancing, and I am on the Waltzers with Dan laughing my head off. 


One of my favourite photos of the weekend.

STAGS! Friday
My day off! YES! I awoke; hungover to the max but still ridiculously excited for the lovely gents tht are Apologies, I Have None! I've known these guys for about three years now and I kid you not; they are a collection of the loveliest people I've ever met, and they're music is fantastic! (Go and give them a listen IMMEDIATELY!!) Dan and I had a good old sing; although I had already lost my voice (pathetic) so really I just squeaked the words and threw my arms around. The rest of my day was spent drinking, meeting up with various pals - Zock, Beth, Danny, Matt, etc... - and then playing the postit game with Dan back at the campsite because we both started feeling sick as hell. Boo! We recovered and continued drinking in time for the mighty Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, and good lord, they were BRILLIANT! 'We're going to play a cover now.' Hehehehe! Jumped around like mad to 'Leaving on a Jet Plane', 'I Believe I Can Fly' and multiple others that I just can't remember anymore. After leaving us with big, stupid smiles on our faces we got some more beers in and waited for Less Than Jake! Ooooh my! Honestly; the best set they've EVER PLAYED!! It was hit after hit! I ran in the circle pit with my friend, nearly fell over (what a fool), lost everyone and spent the remainder of the set wedged between peoples shoulders. 

Saturday
I spent the majority of my day wandering between the festival and my campsite - drinking and dossing - before my 4.30 - 12.30 shift at good old Lord Bingley Gate somewhere inbetween Orange and Purple campsite. Holy hell; what a shift! I was freezing from the moment I got on my shift, but I met some awesome people wandering back and forth between the campsite and car park; one guy showed me his wristband and then tripped over his own intoxicated legs moments later (cue relentless laughter), but without any doubt the BEST people I met were a couple carrying ALL of their stuff (tent, rucksacks, etc):

Me: Not leaving already are you guys?
Guy: Yeah. SHE dumped me.
Stunned silence. 

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?! The girl shot him a look of 'I swear to lucifer; I will FUCKING MURDER YOU before the day is over' and I just starred after them, wishing I could be a fly on the wall in their car. Ooh soothe.

I spent the rest of my evening shivering, drinking tea with eighteen sugars in them (I don't like tea) and shouting jokes to a boy named Dexter via a megaphone (he was my 'Megaphone Buddy for Life' as he put it). My best joke being:
'If I said 'Omelette Au Fromage' would you get it?' I'm such a nerd. (Proud). 

Eventually (after HOURS of fun on the megaphone) I got off my shift and met my pals for some fairground fun. I wasn't nearly drunk enough, so we proceeded to get shitfaced as we headed back to the marquee.

Sunday
The final day. It was possibly one of my favourites. I spent the morning bitching about a particular band and their morbid set ('You'd think they were playing a funeral, not opening the  festival!') then wandering back to the marquee and getting as drunk as I possibly could before my shift started and one of my personal highlights of the weekend happened; I was sat around the Marquee with Matt and multiple others when a girl came over to me and offered me a bag of alcohol (several cans of Carling and a massive bag of Wine) because her and her friends were leaving a few hours later. I thanked her, and offered her money as I felt way rude, but she refused. As she left Matt leaned over and asked me who she was... I had absolutely NO idea. Hahaha! I recognised her face and she knew who I was but I honestly could not even take a guess at her name. (If you somehow see this; I'm so sorry! But thank you for the bag of wine. I had SO much fun drinking out of that.) Anyway, several cans and a bag of wine later and I was getting a moustache painted on my face and was almost late for my shift... then had a pretty awkward time with a particular supervisor. FAST FORWARD! I ended up spending my entire shift on the buggy (I was SO stoked! I'd been longing for a ride on one of the buggy's all weekend!) with Sarah delivering tea to the cold stewards in various places across the festival, getting lost in the scariest woods ever, meeting a beauty who I traded sweets with for his glowstick (no, that isn't an innuendo, tsk) and generally spent my entire shift smiling. Ended my evening with more alcohol, Phil being an absolute sweetheart ('You're the funnest person I've met at this festival'), lots of laughter, and wrestling in the cold, wet grass with Matt. (You absolute git! I'll get you next year!)

I won't lie though; I was a tad nervous about going to the festival, essentially, on my own but I met some absolutely fantastic people and made a tonne of new friends. To name but a few; James, Phil, Tom (Jeffro - haaa), Emily, Kate, Ruby, Jess, Ellie, Meike, Anton, Liam, Clare, Jack - the list goes on and on but my memory is the worst!

I had the best time! I will definitely be opting to Steward agan next year! Hopefully with a lot of the same people and some new ones, only if they're as awesome as this years lot though. Completing my ten year run is going to be mega.

Road To The Warped Tour!

I've been overly excited about Monday the 5th of November for a looooong time! And not just because it was Bonfire Night (which I will admit; is ruined every year by little children sitting outside supermarkets; having drawn eyes onto a football wearing a tracksuit and asking for pennies. Sodd off. I'm not giving you penny for THAT guy unless you mug me.) but because one of my favourite bands were passing through my hometown. YES! The Road to The Warped Tour had taken a turning into Manchester; delivering 'Less Than Jake', 'New Found Glory', 'Man Overboard', and 'The Story So Far' to us. Swoon! What a lineup! 'Stoked' was not the word (well, it was, but just repeated a lot).

I met up with my sister, Sarah (Sarha** hahahaha), for some tea before the gig; we went to Kro Bar over the road and shared a Halloumi finger sandwich and some wedges. Delicious. I had a cheeky cider too. (Yum!) Anyway my super, awesome sister bought me a tee shirt upon arrival for a Christmas present and it is possibly the most beautiful top ever; blue with punk seagulls (I think they're seagulls) in leather jackets, Mohawks, and brandishing weapons under an almighty title of; 'LESS THAN JAKE'! 

Is it obvious who I was mainly there for yet? Thought so...

First up were; The Story So Far who were really good, and despite not knowing any of the songs I couldn't help but bop along during their set. I will definitely be giving them another listen. Second on was Man Overboard; were also ace; again though, I didn't know all that many songs. According to the lineup; Less Than Jake were meant to be on next, which shocked both Sarah and myself due to LTJ celebrating their twentieth year of being a band and also made Sarah exceptionally happy as she hates NFG with a passion (and it meant she didn't have to watch them). HOWEVER; despite the printed lineup sheet that littered the academy, it was NFG's backdrop that was being speedily displayed. HURRAY!! I'd get to watch them after all! LTJ WERE headlining! Life was good. 

(Made me laugh heartily at just how many people thought Less Than Jake were going to play with New Found Glory's backdrop. Fools!)

I can't lie though; I thought New Found Glory were on fire! They played their second album 'Sticks n Stones' from start to finish (in order; which Chad would not stop babbling about I might add) because it had been ten years since its release (again, be quiet now Chad) and then threw in two golden oldies ('Dressed To Kill' and 'Hit & Miss') and also played my favourite ever cover; 'Kiss Me'! I full on squealed when they started playing it. Makes me think of being eighteen, being inside Satan's Hollow and dancing like idiots with my best friends. I thoroughly enjoyed their set; I was bopping along, throwing my arms into the air, screaming, and just generally loving every minute of it. It was amazing just how many of the songs I knew as well, seeing as I've not listened to them properly for years! In my opinion though; oldies are always the best. 

I've got to admit; I watched Less Than Jake earlier this year at the almighty Leeds Festival and they were INCREDIBLE! I've seen them live, at the very least, twelve times over the years and it was, easily, the best set they've ever played. They belted out hit after hit and the crowd was electric! I was praying that this evening would be no different; and it wasn't. They were absolutely fantastic! I wish I would have noted down the songs they played (or nabbed the set list somehow) but I'm pretty sure they opened with Gainesville Rock City, closely followed by Johnny Quest. I forget the order, but I know for certain that they played:

• The Ghosts of Me and You
• Look What Happened
• Gainesville Rock City
• All My Best friends Are Metal heads
• Johnny Quest Thinks We're Sellouts
• The Science of Selling Yourself Short
• Plastic Cup Politics
• Last One Out Of Liberty City
• History of a Boring Town
• Great American Sharpshooter
• Scott Farcas Takes It On The Chin
• Automatic
• 9th At Pine
• Sugar In Your Gas tank
• How's My Driving!

And loads others that I must just be forgetting. If anyone else can add to my list, or correct me for adding ones that weren't played (I've seriously seen them that many times that I'm sure I've heard nearly every song live at least once...). Anyway; they left after a brief goodbye and were obviously going to return for an encore, yet despite knowing this I still chanted along with the crowd: eager for them to return, and when they did they broke straight into my favourite song; the one song I was most stoked about, and was utterly adamant that they weren't going to play: NERVOUS IN THE ALLEY! Again; I screamed like an overly excited child and instantly started bouncing around like a lunatic while shouting the trumpet line back at the band. They seemed to fall in love with a security guard called Ross and tried to get him some loving; from what I could guess: he wasn't all that up for it. Misery. I'd love LTJ to do chicken fights again! My sister always told me about that being something they always got the crowd doing when she saw them live (when I was much younger) and I've still yet to chicken fight. Fingers crossed for next time!

 

Right now I can't find the words to describe just how much I love that band, and Roger (swoon!), but I actually can't stop smiling while thinking about the gig either! So I think that will do well enough for me. Absolutely fantastic evening! I can't wait to see them live again! Beauties.

2.8 Hours Later - ZOMBIE!!!

Friday the 28th of September was the big day! Sara, Jack, Iain, and I were finding out whether or not we'd get to be zombies for our volunteer shift with 2.8 Hours Later... I don't know about the others, but I think the only other comparisons to how anxious I was at such news would be; finding out what degree I got (2.1 - WOO) and generally any time I'm at the dentists. I stood with bated breath, my hands covering the majority of my face, waiting while a member of the team searched my name on her computer; she turned to me with an exasperated expression, blew her breath between her teeth and said;

'You're a type two zombie mate!' 

I was overjoyed! Iain and Sara got the same treatment and were just as enthused as I was; though both behaved in a much cooler manner than I did - actually shouting 'YAY' and doing a little dance. Jack was the only none-zombie, but he was happy enough to be a marshal nevertheless. Next we were lead upstairs to start our Zombification, but this was where things got a little sad; Iain - being the tallest man that I know - had trouble with scrubs and was told he couldn't be in the same zone as us. Woe. WOE! So it meant that we had to get separated; Sara and I as type two zombies in zone 9 - with Jack as our marshal/personal photographer/phone minder/general awesome guy - whereas Iain had to be a type one in the garden surrounding the estate agents. Eventually we got over this; got covered in blood, and sat around making hilarious (and I mean HILARIOUS) zombie puns until we were taken to our zone. This is how we looked after a good make over;

Zone 9.

Sara and I were teamed with two other girls; Laura and Beki; both were awesome zombies (I remembered Beki from Wednesday night; terrifying!) on a dingy street just after the survivors had a run in with a girl and her soon-to-turn-zombie boyfriend in the skate park. During our warm up routines of star jumps, jogging on the spot, and generally looking like undead idiots in order to limber up we made friends with some rats. Disgusting! To say that we were meant to be the most fearsome things on that street; we all freaked out as a rat ran past me, hit Sara's foot and did a back flip over it!

Just before the first lot of unfortunate survivors stumbled across our path the full moon came out and cast an even creepier, eerie over us;

And then another for good measure...

It was exhilarating hearing all of the terrified comments from the players/survivors when they got to us; it was really difficult not to smile with each profanity they came out with, but their fear just spurred us on all the more. All of the guttural noises we made were incredible; sucking our breath harshly down our throats that we sounded famished, the horrible splattering of blood that Sara was spitting at people (AMAZING!!), and all of the screams/cries/roars we made sounded like nothing I would've thought any of us could make. 

There are two specific moments/people from that night that stand out; the first being when I ran, limbs flailing, roaring towards a blonde girl; she let out the most blood curdling scream that I have ever heard! It stopped me in my tracks and I couldn't help but watch her, dumbfounded, hold a trembling arm out for me to bite. The second was when a pal of mine, one of my best pals from college, (finally) appeared at the top of our street; I heard my name repeated a few times (and there was me thinking I'd be unrecognisable in the light/zombie attire) and decided to lock on to her; there was no way I was letting her past without a fight! I would not let her pass, having to make lots of zombie noises to stop myself from laughing/smiling while she shouted 'Fuck off Jess! Just fuck off! Ahh!' she was terrified! (I won't lie; I felt awesome at this point!) If it wasn't for the Zombie School Rule of 'Do not tag from the front' I would have sunk my teeth into her with ease! ...but alas, she slipped through my fingers and darted off down the road (seriously; you were a whippet!).

After the final survivors came through our zone we went and had a little rest in the skate park while Joe (our Zone Leader) played around on a skateboard. What a legend. The off back to HQ (Mad Lab in Norther Quarter) to get changed before dragging our shattered zombie arses to the Zombie Disco for a drink, natter, and relax.

10/10

My experience with 2.8 Hours Later was just the best experience of my life. As a survivor; I've never been so terrified yet enjoying myself so much, while being a Zombie was just amazing; I thoroughly miss terrifying people. I won't be hesitating to do it again next year. I implore you all to do it; you won't regret it.

Massive thanks to Slingshot for being so innovative and courageous to make the game and so many others that I am dying to play!

2.8 Hours Later - Survivor Mode

I keep trying to write a really informative opening to this post, but my brain is just shouting at me - over and over again - at just how INCREDIBLE the game was! So there. I've said it! Just WOW!

So, on Wednesday the 26th of September I met Iain on Piccadilly Gardens (where I was pestered by a ridiculous amount of rude people and hobos that wanted beer. Go away. I am not a personal shopper) and took ourselves down to The Engine Room at Hope Mill where I became an absolute wreck due to a combination of excitement, anticipation, and sheer terror - I was about to be chased down by real (well... not really), live (... again; not exactly), flesh eating ZOMBIES! During briefing I received several slaps (demonstrating how the zombies will be able to touch us) and because groups of survivors have to be 6-8 people, Iain and I got put with four random lads - Alex, Tom, Tom, and Steve - received our first co-ordinates and went out into the apocalypse.

Almost instantly we saw some zombies and freaked out! They were type one so it's not like they could have caught us, but we actually ran away screaming like idiots anyway, but not before a survivor told us how she'd lost her husband (possibly at some coordinates) but I couldn't help but feel bad and start offering her help. How she didn't laugh at my genuine concern is worthy of applause. The next place we were sent was a show house, where a man picked Tom and I to be the couple he was 'selling' the house to - let me note that I was NOT happy, in fact, I tried to hide from him (he kept separating us from the rest of the group and I was actually trembling in case a zombie jumped out of a wardrobe) - eventually, after finding out we didn't have a blank cheque, he chucked us out into a garden full of zombies. What a gent. Iain lost his armband; cue me being a total hero and going back to the zombie garden to get it. 

After this we got lost. Eventually, after finding our way back to the church we found the creepiest woman ever, who was also hilarious in my books, requesting a guitar for a sing-a-long (I snorted with laughter) but then we discovered she was chained up and turning! RUN!! Even though she's chained up...

ONWARDS! We found ourselves being ushered into an office building next to Piccadilly Station; oh god... this wasn't going to be good. We had to go up some stairs and my stomach dropped; were we about to be chased up them by blood thirsty zombies?! Turns out; no. We weren't. Thank heavens! However, upon being forced to enter a HUGE room; two, former business men, zombies started chasing us. AHHH!! Running full pelt across the room I thought I was a goner, but thankfully I managed to avoid their clutches and instead Alex had an extremely close call with a zombie, and Iain got bitten. The survivor in this building was rather nasty; even after I complimented his sterling moustache he had the cheek to say I was 'too short' for his looting gang. Well; good day to you sir! Loot I shall!

Market Street was TERRIFYING! And where your trusty narrator received her first, agonising, zombie bite. Oh woe. We stood near the tram stop (after getting lost AGAIN! Cheers Tom) and saw at least nine zombies twitching and shuffling half way down the street; running full pelt into one of the scariest zombies ever (who I also recognised from Zombie School), tried to b-line away from him only to run into the clutches of all the zombies who had already chased the boys all the way down Market Street, where one happily took a chunk out of my arm. CHOMP. A survivor named William (I had to suppress a sob) told us where to go next.

St. Ann's Square involved a game of catch while at least twenty survivors tried to get a Sainsbury's bag surrounded by eight type two zombies; all at the request of an irritatingly quiet survivor who was with-holding the co-ordinates. 'G for Giraffe, or J for Jaguar?!' I had clearly forgotten my phonetic alphabet by this point and was pretty much shouting this at some poor actress clutching a flower stand. I'm obviously not going to be of sound mind should the apocalypse actually happen.

Urbis. A mad scientist was wielding a putrid smelling bottle and led us into a crowd of zombies and then ran away; taking the repellent smell with her. We were ambushed! I managed to trip over another survivor and get bitten anyway. Oh soothe! The next stop was a Skate Park behind Skyline where I managed to fall over yet again (I am absolutely useless) but none of us actually stuck around long enough to here the co-ordinates.

Before we got to our next place we had to run down another street filled with zombies (where I was positioned two days later as a type two zombie! Hooray!). A rather large crowd of players had gathered up at this point; where no one seemed to be daring enough to run through them. '3, 2, 1, CHARRRRGE!!' We all took ONE step and stopped...

The Pub. This was my favourite zone. We had to pound on the door of a derelict pub and wait for the survivor to let us in; she flung the door open brandishing a shovel (causing me to jump back into the boys, who laughed heartily at me). A particular song came on (any Shaun of The Dead fan should know of which song I speak) as she was talking to us followed by a horrific roar; we ran before we even saw the zombie that the roar belong to. 

Survivor Camp. Salvation was heavily guarded by the undead. There was at least a million of them! Ok... I'm being facetious; there was about eight, or ten. Even if we tried to take a detour (that was sign posted) there were even MORE ZOMBIES! One in particular had the most guttural, blood curdling, roar I've ever heard, and he would be the final zombie to bite me. 

(I so wanted this tattooed the minute they put it on it.)

Needless to say that I was a glow stick as I walked through quarantine and was quickly branded with an INFECTED stamp before the change finally happened. Zombie Jess; and Alex, Tom, Iain, and Steve (only Tom survived!) reared our undead, brain hungry, faces for the Zombie Disco. 

 
Possibly The best night of my entire life.

Goodbye FFN

Friday was the most upsetting day of my life. My eyes had actually become waterfalls, I'd never felt so daft in my entire life. Alas, I'll just come out and say it... I left my job. Oh soothe, and to make matters worse; one of my favourite little boys was leaving too! I was an actual wreck. (Again, never felt so bloody silly, but I just couldn't hold the tears back!) BUT! Having said all of that, it was actually a very lovely day to call my last; I bought my work mates some chocolates, crisps, party rings, & Peppa Pig cakes - they seemed only fitting - to put in the staff room and went then went to see all the little children. 

The minute I walked in one little boy ran upto me, shouting my name as he did so, and asked if we could play a game. Of course I said yes and spent my morning singing, running around, hiding in the den, and generally being unable to stop smiling. It was when it got to dinner time that the waterworks started... Shaunie sat me down on the carpet and was acting very peculiar, I guessed what was coming and already started to get emotional; feeling the tears fill up behind my eyes and that was when Kim came back into the room singing goodbye with a little boy holding a present for me. Well I burst into tears and hid behind another little boy so no one could see me cry! (Didn't work.) My presents were lovely; a skeleton necklace and bracelet - both had MOUSTACHES!! - a Mixed Fruit Kopparberg (kept that hidden from the children, of course), some hairspray (in-joke), lots of sweeties, and an amazing booklet of the childrens handprints. 

(For child protection purposes I have scribbled out the names on the pictures those that haven't been removed are the names of my former work mates)

Afterwards the children had dinner and I managed to turn the eye-taps off for a while until it became time for the little boy to leave. I gave him another cuddle (probably his millionth of the day) and choked a goodbye. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do. At first I thought I was being rather strong... but I was wrong and, instead, cried infront of his mother. Then I cried as I hugged my friends and on the phone on the way home....

I never thought that a job could cause as much heart ache as it did, perhaps I am just a big softy? Either way, all I can do is hope to keep in touch with my former colleagues, wish the very best in life for all the lovely little children, and feel priviledged to have been part of their lives.

HOORAY!

Awesome news friends, readers, and people who have stumbled across this page and are now baffled... I got another story published! HOORAY!! I am a-buzz with excitement! I am smiling so much that my face is actually hurting a little bit...The lovely people at Cafe Lit have decided that they like my story enough to put it on their website for the foreseeable future. So feel free to have a click on the title below and have a read!

Eternity

 by Jessica Cooke 

(I realise I don't need to put my name up there, but it feels wrong not doing it! So there it will stay.)

My story was originally a homework piece for my short fiction class back at university, the assignment was to do a modern day rewrite of the story of Echo and Narcissus by Ovid but I won't give any more away or spoil it!


So I have to say a huge thank you(!!) To Cafe Lit for being wonderful enough to give my story a chance. 

One of the things I like best about Cafe Lit is that it puts a quirky spin on the typical creative publishing websites, in particular; each story that is sent in is assigned the name of a drink that reflects the nature of the story. For example; a dark piece of fiction might be called an Espresso, a light, heartwarming story might be a Hot Chocolate. I even read a story that was a 'Shot of Whiskey' - that was definitely hard hitting.

Hope you enjoy it.
x

Unfinished Books

Despite my love of the written word I sometimes have trouble finishing books. We've all had that book which we've heard great things about, we long for it, and by the time we finally get our paws on a copy it has either been over hyped by critics/friends, or else our own anticipation kills it. You get one chapter in and it gets discarded and whenever you see it on your shelf it actually causes a sharp pinch in your chest. I have found this with a plethora of books recently. This upsets me greatly. 

The books in question are as follows:

• The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundra
• The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
• Nights At The Circus - Angela Carter
• Alice In Wonderland/Alice Through The Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll
• The Book of Lost Things - John Connolly
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Jane Austen/Seth Grahame-Smith

When I think about it rationally; a few reasons why I disliked a few of the books upon first try were rather silly; Lewis Carroll's use of parenthesis really got on my nerves, it caused me actual pain every time I saw something in those damned brackets, so I discarded it. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies seems like a fantastic idea (I am a huge lover of Zombies) but I cannot say that I have ever really enjoyed any of Jane Austen's works, so why I purchased it is a bit of a mystery to me. However, as an avid Angela Carter lover, it is really bothering me that I can't seem to warm to the character of Fevvers at all, of course she is portrayed in a slightly detestable way, but I still can't seem to will myself to learn more about her. I am determined to get through this book though as I have heard so many amazing things about it. 

Now, since starting this little list (I say little; to me it looks quite large, but I guess that depends on your outlook on life) I have managed to plough through two of the books and I can say that I am happier for finishing them. 

Alice In Wonderland & Alice Through The Looking Glass are absolutely fantastic stories and I can't believe I ever doubted them. I was a fool. Perhaps my favourite part in the stories has to be when she meets the Mad Hatter, March Hare, and Doormouse and finds out that the reason they are constantly having a tea party is because of a feud they had with Time, who made it forever six o'clock. How beautifully whimsical. I am in love. (I even found myself chattering about the Alice stories only three days ago in the toilets, at a gig, with a girl who had a tattoo of Alice hugging a deer on her forearm.)

The second book I finished wasn't quite so well received. Perhaps it is because I started it in my first year of university, and, upon realising I had a rather vast reading list, discarded it until now. John Connolly's 'The Book of Lost Things' has its positive points in the way he rewrites all of the different children's fairy tales, making them dark and twisted; when the Crooked Man/Rumpelstiltskin started to die, it was down right gruesome! But the way he ends his book really displeased me. In fact as soon as I read the line; '...but he became a writer and he wrote a book. He called it The Book of Lost Things, and the book that you are holding is the book that he wrote.' I just had to shut the book and put it back onto my shelf. Terrible.

I am hoping that by the time I get around to finishing the rest of these books I will see that I was wrong for not having read them sooner.

The Boy With Eyes The Size of Miami Football Stadium

The Boy with Eyes the Size of Miami Football Stadium by Andrew Gilmore is an innovative and very funny take on traditional children's picture books. The story itself is about a little boy, named Kevin Eckleburg - who is having a very bad Saturday - forced to do chores while other children play - but when his parents take him to a football game things start to look up. That is until he feels a peculiar twinge in the whites of his eyes... Without giving too much away; his eyeballs inflate to gigantic proportions and a rag-tag group of brave, and loving, toys come to his aid. 

My favourite part of the story comes right at the very beginning when Kevin is described as a 'soggy cloth'. Absolutely fantastic. It was such a strange, brash, and unlikely description. It threw me completely offguard and was the first clue that this was going to be anything but a conventional children's story. 

In fact, this book reminds me of two books from youth; the first being 'The Oddkins' (1988) by Dean Koontz, which I read as a child, and 'The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories' (1997) by Tim Burton which I read many years later as a teenager. Both of the books embody a darker element onto the typical children's fable that widens the books audience, meaning older readers derive pleasure from it too, which is why this one was so difficult to suss out at first.

Another part that stuck with me was when the Grim Reaper was introduced as a 'moody individual, one-time dance champion' to then see him pictured wearing, what looks like, a spandex (or leather) skin-tight black suit. Instantly his voice became that of the Goblin King from 1986 classic family film; Labyrinth. Though perhaps this is just me. The bright, acryllic illustrations were done by Gilmore himself and were inspired by paintings by Clive Barker and drawings by Tim Burton.

The Boy with Eyes the Size of Miami Football Stadium is available from Amazon and through iBookstore, and can be read on mobile phones and Kindle Fire through many free apps. Personally, I think the story would be better received as a paper copy, rather than on a technical device, as then the reader can enjoy it in full; with pictures alongside the words.

Andrew Gilmore is an writer and artist based in Manchester. His fine art has been shown at venues around the UK including The Cornerhouse. While his illustrations have featured in magazines and been used by bands. His first horror novel Gate will be published this autumn.

Methods for Overcoming Writer's Block

At the moment I am going through a rather large patch of writer's block. I realise how clichéd that sounds and I hate using the phrase due to the horrible exhausted expression that you receive everytime you utter the words, but I am only human, it's bound to happen. I have always envisioned writer's block as the densest layer of fog that veils ones brain and will never lift. 

Most people say that when it comes to writer's block you just need to 'power through'; those people have no idea just how frustrating it is and therefore deserve a slap. Go ahead. I give you permission. I'll wait. Done? Good. Doesn't that feel better! 

What I've always found really helpful are silly little methods, almost games, that help get the creative juices flowing better. My favourite has to be what I refer to as The Shoebox Method. Now I don't know who first did this but I discovered it but thanks to one of my favourite Professors at university randomly producing a shoebox full of bits and bobs one day I use it regularly. What we had to do was choose something from the box - with our eyes closed - and write the first thing that came to our minds about it.

(I pulled out a heart shaped lollypop and went on to write a short story that included something I had tried to incorporate into a story years before but could never make it fit right. To this my teacher said that it was a story that had 'wanted' to be written.)

My advice to you, if you choose to try this, is; ask your family or friends to put things in the box for you without telling you what they are. You need things that you don't know about so therefore haven't already begun thinking about them (even if you say you won't, your mind will do it unconsciously)

I beseech you all to try this yourself! If for nothing else; just for fun. Here is an example of one I've thrown together;


Feel free to 'pick' something out and write about it. Oh! And if you're feeling bold, I would love to see what you come up with!


x

The Greatest Children's Story of All Time?

Now I know what you're thinking; she's contradicting herself from her last post about her favourite children's book, well... yes, a little, BUT! mention has to be given to this one; it is without a doubt the silliest, and funniest, children's story that has ever crept into existance. It is just a shame that it was never made...

Black Books is an amazing British sitcom starring Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, and Tasmin Greig. It is set in a bookshop named Black Books and revolves around the lives of Bernard Black (Moran) the hilariously embittered and hostile shop owner, Manny Bianco (Bailey) is his wacky juxtaposed assistant, and Fran Katzenjammer (Greig) who goes from owning a shop next door, to what appears to just be hanging around the shop and being another catalyst for the ridiculous scenarios one wouldn't normally expect from a bookshop.

I have always said that if I ever find myself working in a bookshop, or, by some chance miracle, owning one; I would have to channel the inner Bernerd and take on his nihilistic world views, as everyone who has ever worked in any type of retail will understand just how much you would love to hit them with a broom while yelling down a megaphone at customers. 

Anyway, there is one particular episode called 'Elephants and Hens' where the shop is hosting a childrens themed book day and Fran bets Bernard and Manny (who is dressed as a bookworm for the day) that they can't write a children's book before she returns from her hen party. Undeterred, they overconfidently accept the bet and after a very haphazard planning session they eventually make, what I deem as one of the best, children's stories, and it goes as such; 

'There is the Elephant. He's happy with his balloon. Oh no! It's gone! Where is it?! It's not behind the rhino. Look inside the alligators mouth: it's not there either! Ohhh... the Monkey's got it in the tree! He brings it back. They all drink lemonade. The end.' 

After creating such a masterpiece however they realise that their impending riches and fame will only bring them misfortune and, in an intoxicated haste, burn the book. How I wish this was an actual story. I would read that to my children at nursery in a heartbeat, all the while surpressing the inner Bernard deep within me.