The Greatest Children's Story of All Time?

Now I know what you're thinking; she's contradicting herself from her last post about her favourite children's book, well... yes, a little, BUT! mention has to be given to this one; it is without a doubt the silliest, and funniest, children's story that has ever crept into existance. It is just a shame that it was never made...

Black Books is an amazing British sitcom starring Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, and Tasmin Greig. It is set in a bookshop named Black Books and revolves around the lives of Bernard Black (Moran) the hilariously embittered and hostile shop owner, Manny Bianco (Bailey) is his wacky juxtaposed assistant, and Fran Katzenjammer (Greig) who goes from owning a shop next door, to what appears to just be hanging around the shop and being another catalyst for the ridiculous scenarios one wouldn't normally expect from a bookshop.

I have always said that if I ever find myself working in a bookshop, or, by some chance miracle, owning one; I would have to channel the inner Bernerd and take on his nihilistic world views, as everyone who has ever worked in any type of retail will understand just how much you would love to hit them with a broom while yelling down a megaphone at customers. 

Anyway, there is one particular episode called 'Elephants and Hens' where the shop is hosting a childrens themed book day and Fran bets Bernard and Manny (who is dressed as a bookworm for the day) that they can't write a children's book before she returns from her hen party. Undeterred, they overconfidently accept the bet and after a very haphazard planning session they eventually make, what I deem as one of the best, children's stories, and it goes as such; 

'There is the Elephant. He's happy with his balloon. Oh no! It's gone! Where is it?! It's not behind the rhino. Look inside the alligators mouth: it's not there either! Ohhh... the Monkey's got it in the tree! He brings it back. They all drink lemonade. The end.' 

After creating such a masterpiece however they realise that their impending riches and fame will only bring them misfortune and, in an intoxicated haste, burn the book. How I wish this was an actual story. I would read that to my children at nursery in a heartbeat, all the while surpressing the inner Bernard deep within me.

Where The Wild Things Are

My week was made on Wednesday when I was reading to the children before dinner time. I had four books in my lap and I chose a child to come and pick which story they wanted me to read, I was praying that someone would choose my favourite book, a story that I have never grown too old to love: 'Where The Wild Things Are' by Maurice Sendak.

Alas, after two stories it still hadn't been chosen. My heart sank as I ask them if they wanted another story or if they would like to sing some songs, as usually they love having a sing and I thought they wouldn't want another story, but to my surprise they demanded another! I was overjoyed and silently prayed that it would be chosen. And it was! It was like he had read my pleading mind.

They absolutely loved it! I think they even loved it more than I did, if that's possible! We all held up our own terrible claws, gnashed our terrible teeth, rolled our terrible eyes, and roared our own, very cute, very terrible roars. During the Wild Rumpus the children even told me that the Wild Things were jumping to try and catch the moon. I absolutely adore my job.

Where The Wild Things Are is about a little boy named Max who, when he put on his wolf costume, starts acting wild. His mother sends him to bed without his dinner after he shouts 'I'll eat you up!' at her and a mysterious forest grows in his bedroom and sails away to the land of the wild things. At first the fearsome looking beasts look to eat Max but he proves he is the most wild thing of all by staring into their big yellow eyes 'without blinking once', he is crowned King of the Wild Things and they all dance together in a Wild Rumpus until Max gets homesick and returns home to find his supper waiting for him, still hot. My favourite line from the story is when the Wild Things try to make him stay; 'Oh, please don't go, we'll eat you up, we love you so.'

Tribute has to be paid to such an incredible man that is Maurice Sendak who unfortunately passed away on the 8th of May 2012, but will live on forever through this fantastic story - and many other great works - that will carry on changing children's, and adult's, lives.

My Favourite STWJ Moment

I have far too many half finished book review blogs in the waiting, I am seemingly getting sloppy and for that; I am sorry. So to fill the time I will, instead, tell you about my favourite Story Time With Jess moment.




On the 27th of May 2011 I took part in a creative showcase at The International Anthony Burgess Foundation put on by my university called FRESH 2011! It included several short plays and a variety of readings; both poetry and prose. When I found out something I had written had been chosen to be read out I could hardly believe it, I went on to excitedly tell all of my family and friends - I was literally jumping for joy - it was the first time I would be reading my own work out infront of anyone other than my classmates or teachers. That's when it hit me; I had to read my own work to a room full of - essentially - complete strangers. My nerves kicked in, my stutter broke out worse than ever, and to top it all off (after three weeks of barely any sleep due to intensive essay writing for my final university deadlines) I lost my voice. I tried every remedy in the book; including gargling with boiled whiskey and lemonade concoctions, but still nothing brought my voice back thus making my anxiety treble.

After days of rehearsing, and praying that my voice made a miraculous comeback just in time (it didn't), the big day arrived and I was sat before the audience watching them squash their chairs together to help fit more people in the room. I was determined to do it; without stuttering, without rushing and thus merging all of my words together into one indecipherable sentence, and to just do myself proud. The show got underway and eventually my friend, who was just before me, finished his last sentence and soaked up his applause. Oh god. I readied myself at the microphone stand, looked out across the audience (saw my sister, mother, father, and boyfriend all lean forward eagarly), and, as boldly as I could muster, announced the title of my story. All I remember after that is the light that I was looking into that had silhouetted the crowd and saved me from being able to read their faces, the voice in my head imploring me to read slowly, and my own heartbeat as it ricocheted around my ribcage.

The story itself was from a creative project and was about defamiliarising the city that I live in by introducing creatures from folklore/legend and describing the city, its inhabitants, and happenings through their eyes.

As soon as I had finished a complete feeling of euphoria washed over me; my knees almost buckled as the adreneline from what I had just done, and the applause I was receiving, took over my body. I sat through the rest of the showcase with the biggest smile on my face. 

To all of my family and friends that came and supported me that day, and continue to do so now; thank you so much, I love you all to no end.

The Most Relevant Book of my University Life

I rediscovered this book when rifling through my book box in the porch some nights ago.





I was fed up with my small bookshelf being filled with books that I never read; the seven 'Harry Potter' books and the 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' books (thirteen in total) taking up the entire shelf, and so I sought my university book box from in hope to find some hidden treasures. 

Inside holds an array of over 120 notes collected by O'Hagan, through what means she got them I am unsure, all from different people during their time living together. The notes range from the lovey dovey; shared between couples living together (clearly during the honeymoon stage of their relationship), to the dirty, unhygenic routines, onto the cut-throat furious! 

Anyone who has ever lived with someone, be it your best friend, loved one, or a complete stranger will  know that sooner or later that person will start to grate on them, and vice versa, and the only way of venting frustrations to one another is in note form. So many of these notes made me laugh when thinking back to my time at university; during class my friends and I would go through a small packet of post-its a day just talking to each other or drawing pictures (my favourite was Emma's Starfish story which I will find and scan in soon) and only ever occasionally being used to take the notes we thought were essentially needed in order to pass. As well as my three years living in student halls, with all the stupid notes my housemate and I would pass between each other, though scarcely ever heated I'm sure we got on each others nerves from time to time.
My favourites being:

• 'I hate you more than life itself' - A TAD overdramatic but still hilarious.
• 'I needed that ham, I really needed it.' - Never used this one directly but I think anyone who has shared a flat/house can relate to finally having some decent food in only to discover someone has eaten it and left you with toast again. 
• 'Get off the phone, you are talking pap!' - Brilliant one that reminds me of all of the surreal times my flatmate and I helped each other send flirty, or witty texts. 
• 'Everyday shopping list: Beer, Beer, More Beer, Ciggies  and if there's any money left; Wine for the Oddballs' - this list pretty much sums up mine and the flatmates three years in student halls. I will never forget the month I ate nothing but 10p noodles because I spent my money going out with my friends.

And many, many more but you will have to see for yourself! It is definitely worth a flick through, it is guaranteed to leave any reader smiling. I will finish off by leaving you with a 'note' that I discovered one day after yelling at my friends to be 'bloody quiet!!'

Menaces.

Book Quiz!

Found this on a friends blog and had to fill it in myself! 

The Rules:
1. Post these rules
2. Post a photo of your favourite book cover
3. Answer the questions below
4. Tag a few people to answer them too
5. Go to their blog/twitter and tell them you've tagged them
6. Make sure you tell the person who tagged you that you've taken part!
I tag any one who loves books! Please let me know if you do it so I can have a nosey.

What are you reading right now?
Nights At The Circus by Angela Carter

Do you have any idea what you’ll read when you’re done with that?  
I’ve got a rather large pile to get through but I just received a parcel with a copy of 20^th Century French Poems so I will be tackling that in-between novels.

What magazines do you have in your bathroom/lounge right now?

The Rolling Stone that made me cry three times with just one article.

What’s the worst book you've ever read?
Game Girls by Judy Waite

What book seems really popular but you actually hated?

The Twilight Saga. I didn’t mind them at first and once I read one of them I had to see the series through, but the final book really drove me mad. I don’t think that the author needed to have Edward say the words; ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, or ‘love’ in every sentence just to suddenly drive home that he is a hundred years older than Bella.

What’s the one book you always recommend to just about everyone?

Throughout my degree I fell in love with Angela Carter so I’d recommend all of her books.

What are your 3 favourite poems?

I’m not actually the biggest fan of poetry but I do love ‘Rain’ by Anne Hébert

Where do you usually get your books?

Waterstones, Amazon, other independent bookshops in towns or cities when I go to visit, and during book swaps with friends.

Where do you usually read your books?
In bed, or whilst travelling.

When you were little, did you have any particular reading habits?

My main reading habit as a child was my love for anything horror; from Goosebumps, Creepers, Point Horror, as an adolescent and then onto the Victorian Gothic. I just remember having a losing battle with my mum, in the teenage section of the library, forever begging her to let me read the only Goosebumps book they had (The Haunted Mask). At eight years old I had a stack of them and reoccurring nightmares.

Have you ever “faked” reading a book?

I have a degree in English literature, of course I have!

Have you ever bought a book just because you liked the cover?
On multiple occasions! Sometimes the old saying rings true, but other times I am pleasantly surprised.

What was your favourite book when you were a child?
The Forbidden Game Trilogy by L.J. Smith

What book have you loved that you expected to hate?

East Lynne by Helen Beck, definitely not my usual type of novel but once I had started it I found I couldn’t put it down, and was even more shocked when I cried at the end (I won’t spoil it, I promise).

What is your favourite passage from a book?
There are far too many that I love, but my favourite from my current read is as such;

‘... Yet none of this had altered to any great degree the invisible child inside the man, who indeed remained the same dauntless lad who used to haunt Fisherman’s Wharf hungrily eyeing the tangled sails upon the water until at last he, too, went off with the tide towards an endless promise.’ Angela Carter – Nights At The Circus.

What are your top five favourite authors?
In no particular order:

•  Robert Louis Stevenson
• Angela Carter
• Jeanette Winterson
•  Franz Kafka
• A.S. Byatt

What book has no one heard about but should read?
Sexing The Cherry by Jeanette Winterson. Absolutely fantastic book, it blew my mind.

What 3 books are you an “evangelist” for?
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The Time Waster Diaries – Robin Cooper

& The Forbidden Game Trilogy – L.J. Smith

What is your favourite classic book?

It’s a toss up between ‘The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde’ by Robert Louis Stevenson and ‘Frankenstein’ by Mary Shelley.

5 other notable mentions?
Just Friends by Robin Smith
Someone Like You – Roald Dahl
Oryx and Crake – Margaret Atwood
Night Watch – Sergey Lukyanenko
& A Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde