On the 27th of May 2011 I took part in a creative showcase at The International Anthony Burgess Foundation put on by my university called FRESH 2011! It included several short plays and a variety of readings; both poetry and prose. When I found out something I had written had been chosen to be read out I could hardly believe it, I went on to excitedly tell all of my family and friends - I was literally jumping for joy - it was the first time I would be reading my own work out infront of anyone other than my classmates or teachers. That's when it hit me; I had to read my own work to a room full of - essentially - complete strangers. My nerves kicked in, my stutter broke out worse than ever, and to top it all off (after three weeks of barely any sleep due to intensive essay writing for my final university deadlines) I lost my voice. I tried every remedy in the book; including gargling with boiled whiskey and lemonade concoctions, but still nothing brought my voice back thus making my anxiety treble.
After days of rehearsing, and praying that my voice made a miraculous comeback just in time (it didn't), the big day arrived and I was sat before the audience watching them squash their chairs together to help fit more people in the room. I was determined to do it; without stuttering, without rushing and thus merging all of my words together into one indecipherable sentence, and to just do myself proud. The show got underway and eventually my friend, who was just before me, finished his last sentence and soaked up his applause. Oh god. I readied myself at the microphone stand, looked out across the audience (saw my sister, mother, father, and boyfriend all lean forward eagarly), and, as boldly as I could muster, announced the title of my story. All I remember after that is the light that I was looking into that had silhouetted the crowd and saved me from being able to read their faces, the voice in my head imploring me to read slowly, and my own heartbeat as it ricocheted around my ribcage.
The story itself was from a creative project and was about defamiliarising the city that I live in by introducing creatures from folklore/legend and describing the city, its inhabitants, and happenings through their eyes.
As soon as I had finished a complete feeling of euphoria washed over me; my knees almost buckled as the adreneline from what I had just done, and the applause I was receiving, took over my body. I sat through the rest of the showcase with the biggest smile on my face.
To all of my family and friends that came and supported me that day, and continue to do so now; thank you so much, I love you all to no end.
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